The Orders of Love

The Orders of Love – Understanding How Relationships Work

The Orders of Love were created by a German therapist named Bert Hellinger, the founder of Family Constellation. These are important rules that help families and groups stay balanced and happy. When these rules are followed, relationships can feel peaceful and fair.

1. Everyone Belongs

• Every person in a family or group has the right to be included.

• If someone is ignored or forgotten, it can cause problems that last for generations.

• Example: Imagine a family where no one talks about a lost relative. That missing piece can affect everyone, even if they don’t realize it.

2. Giving and Taking Should Be Fair

• Relationships work best when people give and receive in balance.

• If one person gives too much and another takes too much, someone will feel unhappy.

• Example: If you always share your toys but your friend never shares back, you might start feeling upset.

3. Respect Who Came First

• In families, parents come before children, and grandparents come before parents.

• In groups, leaders and elders should be respected for their experience.

• Example: A younger brother shouldn’t try to take charge of an older sister. That can make things confusing and frustrating for everyone.

4. Honor the Past, But Focus on Today

• People who came before us matter and should be respected.

• But we also need to focus on the present and future to grow and improve.

• Example: It’s great to learn about old family traditions, but if a rule no longer makes sense, it’s okay to make changes.

5. The Present is More Important Than the Past

• The past teaches us lessons, but we shouldn’t stay stuck in it.

• Letting go of old grudges or bad habits helps people move forward.

• Example: If you lost a soccer game last year, should you still feel bad about it today? No! You should keep practicing and try again.

Why These Rules Matter

• In Families: They help people feel included, loved, and respected.

• In Schools or Work: They make teamwork fair and organized.

• In Friendships: They keep relationships kind and balanced.

When we follow these rules, we create happier, healthier relationships where everyone feels respected and valued.